"A dream written lanugo with a stage becomes a GOAL. A goal wrenched lanugo into steps becomes a PLAN. A plan backed by ACTION makes your dreams come true." ~Greg Reid

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We all have dreams, some of them really big. And if we are serious well-nigh achieving these dreams, the next logical step is to set a goal, make a plan, and start taking action.

But we are missing out on one very important step in the dream-creating journey.

This step is one that has taken me, personally, two decades to come to realize. And my first track came from my kids' bedtime story book, of all places!

Down in the depths of the ocean lived a sad and lonely whale who spent his days searching and searching for the next shiny object, never feeling well-constructed or fulfilled in his quest for more. Then one day, stumbling upon a trappy reef, a clever little crab stops him and asks:

"You are the whale that unchangingly wants more. But what are you really wanting it for?"

We seem to spend our whole lives setting goals and planning out our dreams, but we rarely stop to ask ourselves what we want these things for. What do we want the new car, job, promotion or house for?

If we stopped to think, and if we were really honest with ourselves, we would all have a similar answer. Considering our goals and dreams often swash lanugo to the same underlying human need for significance: to finger good enough, valued, validated, accepted, loved, or worthy.

Most of our goals are substantially tying to our need to finger good unbearable in the vision of others and ourselves.

The Missing Step of Having an Unattached Goal

Having an unattached goal is the missing step in our dream-living process. It is such an important step for two simple reasons. When we have goals that are conjoined to the need to be good enough, we can only end up with one of two finish-line photos:

  • You on the podium with the winning medal virtually your neck, but looking virtually at the next shiny medal to chase, not fulfilled by your achievement.
  • You not crossing the finishing line, with an "I'm a failure" sign virtually your neck, left with an plane worthier hunger for validation and self-worth.

Cease the Endless Quest for More

Just like in the children's typesetting The Whale Who Wanted More, a typical pattern is to ventilator goal without goal, finding that we are never satisfied for long and continually hatching plans for the next shiny object to chase.

It makes well-constructed sense when you realize that these goals are forged together with the need for significance, acceptance, or validation. Considering if we don't fill those needs first and instead use our goals to meet them, there is no car, house, promotion, or partner that will. And we will unchangingly be looking for that next thing to meet those needs.

Cease the Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage was my MO for many years. Just like an ironsmith vibration his flame-red metal into shape, I had write-up and wilting my purpose so that it would fulfill what I lacked in self-worth and what I secretly craved in visa and validation. I would be unbearable only when I achieved my purpose-related goal.

And here's the kicker-I not only needed to live my purpose in order to fulfill my need for significance, I moreover had to swim versus the undercurrent of feeling like I wasn't capable of unquestionably doing it.

The fear of failure was so real, considering if I failed at this I wouldn't get the validation and worth that I needed. So any time I felt like failure was in sight, I would requite up and hatch a new plan to reach my purposeful goal, and in doing so, sabotage my own path to it. My way of seeing the world had become: largest to alimony the dream of a possibility working than have the reality of failure come true.

The Question That Opened My Vision to My Tying Goals

I lived for twenty years under the guise of a pure purpose, a urgent flame to help others. And though that was very much part of my momentum and work over the years, it was subtly intertwined with the need for recognition and "becoming someone." And it had slowly and silently transformed into a shackle for self-worth and significance.

About a month or two without reading that bedtime typesetting to my children, I heard a question that split my tug-of-war rope in half; a question that left my goal on one side and my self-worth safely on the other. It gave me the separation, distance, and self-rule I needed to be me and to go without my goals with no emotional agendas, just pure passion and purpose.

And the magic question was:

If you don't get what you want, what would that midpoint well-nigh you?

When I first heard that question, my wordplay came so quickly:

I'd be a failure.

It seemed like a simple mathematical truth to me: don't unzip my life-long goal equals failure. What other wordplay could there possible be?

As it happens, there is only one right wordplay to this question. And it wasn't the one I gave. The right wordplay sounded simple. There was nothing complicated well-nigh it, but it just didn't sit, settle, or disperse in any way. It just kind of hung there in front of me, just waiting for something to happen.

And something did happen, well-nigh a week later.

I was running through my typical pattern: the way I would unchangingly tideway my purpose-related goals and how, without seeing and concluding that nothing would overly come from my efforts, just requite up.

But that day, I suddenly remembered the question, if you don't get what you want, what would that midpoint well-nigh you?

And increasingly importantly, I remembered the right answer:


Yes, you read that right. The right wordplay is nothing. Not getting what you want changes nothing well-nigh who you are. You are still you.

You are still worthy. You are worthy, whether or not you unzip your goal. When we tie so much meaning and worth to what we are trying to unzip it becomes a huge block. And we end up chasing that goal or that dream for all the wrong reasons: so that we don't finger like a failure; so that we finger loved, accepted, and recognized.

Your goals do not well-constructed you. You are well-constructed whether you unzip them or not.

When you truly finger that not getting what you want ways veritably nothing well-nigh you, you know that you have an unattached goal. And when you have an unattached goal, you are self-ruling to go without it without those typical self-sabotaging patterns and to enjoy achieving your goal when you reach it.

A dream written lanugo with a stage becomes a GOAL. A goal wrenched lanugo into steps becomes a PLAN. A plan backed by ACTION makes your dreams come true.

But a dream unattached to your self-worth is the real dream come true.

About Angharad Davies

Angharad Davies is a social entrepreneur with an MA in Psychology. Without her twenty-year quest to live her purpose, she has come to realize that the biggest mistake most people make when searching for their purpose is that they're asking the wrong question! And you can find out what question you should be asking in Angharad's free workshop. Be sure to follow her on Instagram and Facebook too for increasingly insight on finding and living your purpose.

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